Lips of Kisses

There are many different types of kisses, and a lot of guys kiss different and so do women.  When the guy goes in for that first kiss, (remember if you have been following the Rules, you should never kiss him first) make sure you are relaxed, even if your heart is pounding out of your cheast, because men notice these things and you don’t want him to think your nervous!

Type One: The sloppy kiss-Where he swallows your whole mouth in one kiss, slobbers too much, and just doesn’t know what he is doing. Now if this is your man, it’s not going to behoove you to tell him he is a bad kisser, or to show him a different, better way to kiss because that will get his feelings hurt.  This is to be saved for a couple dates down the road, and you should be sweet about it, by grabbing his face and telling him “let’s try it this way”

Type Two: Way too much tongue-

Too Much Toungue!!

Where he sticks his tongue down your throat, or basically licks your whole face. In this picture he is not only giving too much tongue,but he is sticking his tongue out like a little lizard lapping back and forth!!  This is not sexy, but they are trying to make it look sexy! You tell me, is touching touching tongues sexy? I understand everyone has their preferencees, but this is surely not mine!  This might be ok, if he slowly started to kiss you, then opened his mouth a bit, etc..you have read this blog, right? Then went in for just a little quick tongue lick.  It would not be bad, but it wouldn’t be earthshaking either.

Type Three: The Rough Kiss-

The Rough but sometimes SEXY kiss

Where he is biting your lip way too hard, grabbing your face and just smooshing his face into yours. Ok, sometimes this can be hot, but defiantely not on the first kss. The only time this is hot is if your having rough sex, or where your just making out like crazy and can’t get enough of each other.

Type Four:The Little Lips Kiss-Ok he can’t help it if he has little lips, but when it feels like a bird is pecking at your face, that is not hot. He barely ever closes his mouth and just pecks at you, and puts your upper lip in between his little lips and pecks.

Type Five:The Sensual Kiss-

ThePerfect Sesual Kiss

Now this is my favorite. He kisses you sensually and doesn’t keep his mouth open the whole time, he wil nibble  on your top lip sometimes  sucking on it for a second, then move to the bottom lip. The give just a little tongue and start over.

If you feel like the man your with kisses like 1-4 then Houston, we have a problem.  If you truly like this man though, you can try to turn it into the sensual kiss without saying a word.  How you do that is while he is doing his thing, you slow down the kiss, close your mouth, use just a little tongue and then open your mouth using more tongue, nibbling on his top lip, bottom lip and sucking on his lip too. He should get the hint. If he  doesn’t and it’s not the first or second date, sit him down and say I really like to be kissed like this and show him.  If you say anything else or say that too soon he will get his feelings hurt, so much in fact that he might not talk to you again, so you have to walk a fine line.

Hold his face in your hands and kiss him the way you want to be kissed.

Things not to say: 1.What the hell are you doing? 2.Who taught you how to kiss? 3. Your an aweful kisser, let me teach you. 4.Jeez, don’t swallow my face! 5.You are drooling all over me! 6. What is wrong with you? 7.You sure don’t know how to kiss do you? 8.Am I your first kiss? 9. STOP, STOP!! Your killing me with your kissing!  10. Have you ever kissed anyone before? 11.You should read some books on kissing, It would make you better. 12.You kiss like a teenager! 13.Ewww..stop kissing me you don’t know what your doing! 14.You need to learn to kiss like me. 15.Ouch, your hurting me, stop kissing so rough!

You want him to feel comfertable so saying those things will only hurt his feelings, and make him think your a bitch.  Plus, you don’t know if your the worlds best kisser either, to them YOU might be the terrible one.  When I was younger I used to practice on my hand. (Don’t laugh, it works), make your hand into an O shape like lips and practice closing your mouth and opening a little, then using a little tongue (never too much) and just go slow. It makes it more romantic.

My Fiancee and I happy together

Most of us start to get comfortable in a relationship, which is good you should feel comfortable with your partner, however you don’t want to blow off all the Ask Kirsten Rules just because you feel like you already got the man of your dreams.  You can always screw it up if you get too comfy, and let yourself go.  Sure, now that you have your man you don’t need to pretend your busy on a Saturday night when he asks you out just to keep him interested, but you do still need to keep him interested.  The divorce rate is so high in America, it will blow your socks off, and if it’s that easy to get divorced imagine how easy it is to lose your man because he lost interest.  Here are some things to do that will keep him wanting you. 1.Work Out-Keeping yourself in shape is not only healthy for you, it’s going to keep your body looking good! Keeping your body looking good will make your man want you all the time, and it will discourage looks at other women.   Of course some of you will say, if he loves me he should love me the way I am, but I bet the way you were when you first met was IN SHAPE!  Exercise also produces endorphins which make you happy.  If your happy your less likely to argue or fight. 2.Keep your sex life interesting-A lot of times when couples get married they get complacent when it comes to sex, and the same goes for being in a committed relationship.  Do things that will keep him interested. I’m not advocating you do something that makes you uncomfortable, but there is nothing wrong with trying new things.  Here are some examples of things you can do to spice up your sex life: Dress up for him-put on some heels and nothing else, and when he comes home from work be waiting there naked with nothing but heels on.  Most Men have a fetish for women in high heels, so imagine how turned on he will be if he sees you naked in just heels?? Keep them on during sex! School girl outfits work too, or go buy some sexy lingerie that he hasn’t seen and surprise him. Try having sex in public places, just the chance that you could get caught is a major turn on.  Some places might be in an airplane, an elevator, the bathroom at a bar or club you go too, the car (giving him oral sex while driving somewhere is something many guys fantasize about), or on the balcony of your apartment or condo.  Talk Dirty to him-talk about this with him before you do it because some men don’t like it, but the majority do.  Only say things that make you feel comfortable or you will risk sounding silly. Try out many different positions-Again speak to him about what he likes then read some books on different positions and try them out with him. Missionary is only interesting for so long before it starts to get old.  Have spontaneous sex-Say he comes home for lunch in the middle of the day? Seduce him and he will be so taken aback and turned on! 3.Do nice things for him-write him cards for no reason, make him breakfast in bed, take him away on a road trip that you planned, leave him cute little notes where he will find them in the morning before work, have a night planned just for the two of you etc..Be Creative! 4.Don’t pick fights with him-Even if you are PMS ing try your hardest to be nice.  Be that sweet girl he fell in love with.  Remember the goal is to get him to put a ring on your finger, and that’s hard for him to justify if you are fighting over little crap.  Remember to pick your battles..of course all couples will argue it’s human nature but don’t pick him apart or try to change him just because you got him to fall for you, because he can fall out of love just as quickly if he feels you are dictating every move he makes.  When I say pick your battles, if he is truly doing something that just drives you crazy, don’t yell at him or make a scene in public, just speak with him about it in a mature fashion.  My fiancée told me the worst thing a girlfriend can do is to embarrass him in a public place, especially in front of his friends.  That will make him run for the hills. 5.Make friends with his family and friends-They were important to him before he met you, so don’t expect him to never have a guys night out or to never go out with his friends that have girlfriends or wives.  Double date with them, you will probably have a great time and so will he.  The worst thing you can do is to keep him away from everyone and just spend 24/7 with him. 6. Don’t be a jealous girlfriend-It is a major turn off.  If he has girls that are friends don’t ask a million questions about them, and by no means are you to be rude to them.  Granted, if this is a girlfriend he had sex with before you, it’s ok to express your concern to your boyfriend about the two of them hanging out without you.  If you are not normally affectionate with him, don’t hang all over him at a club just because there are females around. PDA is not a bad thing, but it is if you never do it unless you happen to only do it when there are other females around. Trust me, he will notice what’s up. 7. Don’t quit your job or anything drastic so you can spend 24/7 with him.  This is likely to scare him away. 8.Treat him with respect and demand the same in return-Don’t talk about your ex boyfriends all the time.  Men hate this. Your boyfriend doesn’t want to hear that , and neither do other people.  If you talk incessantly about your ex he will assume that you are still hung up on him, and rightly so. 9.Trust him-unless he has something he is truly hiding, feel free to the give him the benefit of the doubt. Remember innocent until proven guilty.  Trust in him otherwise you have no basis for a relationship. 10. Be the best girlfriend you can be-be sweet and charming and do all the things I mentioned above.  Show him that he would be lost without you.  Do his laundry for him once an awhile, pick up after him, and shower him with love and kisses. 11.Suprise him with Breakfast or Dinner in bed-Even if you can’t cook, find a good, easy to understand cooking book, that should help, or elicit the help of a friend who can actually cook, and cook well. You don’t need to lie to him when he asks if you cooked this, just say “I had some help from a cookbook”, because it’s true and its not a lie.  Not if he directly asks you if you cooked this alone without the help of a friend, tell  him “Yes, I did have a friend help, because I wanted it to a be a memorable meal, and I wanted you to love it”, then he will forget all about the other questions!! 12.Take him away somewhere romantic-Like a little B&B, I know some that are great, depending upon how much you would like to spend. GREYSTONE B&B Niagara-On-The-Lake, ON, Canada: What an awesome place! The surroundings, the views, the accommodations– absolutely amazing Travelers Rest Montezuma, GA; offers Candlelight dinner and a delicious Breakfast the next Morning Walthotel Switzerland.  I have actually been here, and it is at the base of the alps, reasonably priced, and absolutely the most breathtaking views you could ever dream of seeing!  There is skiing, snowboarding, Cross Country skiing, sleigh rides, extensive shopping, wonderful delicious food (if your going there email me and I will tell you where to eat besides the hotel), and if you go over during Christmas, you will see a beautiful Christmas Eve walk through the forest, where they read tales that have meanings (In German and English), and sing Christmas Carols.  They end it all with hot wine called Gluewhine, and it tastes wonderful, but packs a powerful punch.  Tell them askkirsten or Kirsten Rhode sent you.  They know me here because my family has been coming to Davos for the past 11 years. Pomegranate House and Cottages, Granbury, TX: “Wonderful place for a relaxing, stress-free stay. Beautiful garden, Uber friendly innkeepers, and excellent food. We felt extremely  well cared for during our stay, and all amenities were provided for us, no questions asked.  They tended to our every need .” The perfect place for a romantic getaway. Tell them Askkirsten sent you. The Foothill House</strong>, Calistoga, CA:  The Inn is a turn of the century farm house surround by trees and wild life. Suites and a luxurious cottage is available. Each suite is individually decorated with country and antiques. All suites have private entrances and private bathrooms; some have Jacuzzis. Each suite contains a fireplace and small refrigerator.  Each evening they have wine and cheese hour where you will enjoy some of the finest wines and enticing appetizers. And tell them Askkirsten sent you Chesnut Hill on the Delaware: Milford, NJ. The guest rooms excude a sense of intimacy, no matter what room you happen to be staying in or what season you happen to be there.  Both houses have access to the beautiful river front terraced gardens, deck and dock. River access is nearby so bring your boat, canoe, kyack or tube. Many guests enjoy bringing their lunch or dinner back to the inn to enjoy one of the many dining locations provided by the river’s edge. And tell them Askkirsten sent you.</li> <li><strong>Havana River Walk:</strong> Austin, TX.  A 1914 Mediterranean Revival building eccentrically furnished in “United Nations garage sale chic” with robes and linens from Frette of Italy. Has a cigar club and an outdoor dining spot overlooking the river. Check out their website at www.havanariverwalkinn.com, and tell them askkirsten sent you. Rose Hill Manor: Stonewall, TX. A Charleston-style plantation house sitting 40 rolling Hill Country    acres. The elegant mansion perches on a gentle hill, offering a    spectacular view of the Pedernales River Valley. This romantic weekend getaway is located in Stonewall, 15 minutes from    Fredericksburg, and is known for its food and local Texas wines.  Check out their website at www.rose-hill.com, and tell them Askkirsten sent youHotel Spottel: View from the Outside of the Hotel Spottl Bad Neuheim, Germany.  Hotel Spöttel is an attentively run family enterprise in central location in a quiet exclusive residential area, just next to the swimming baths shaped in Jugendstil, the spa gardens and the salt-water thermal bath. The picturesque town centre with its nice pedestrian area is just a few minutes walk away from our hotel. Sleep in bright, spacious and modern equipped rooms and enjoy a fresh, comprehensive breakfast buffet in the morning. During the summer season our garden pavilion invites to stay. Here is their phone number as they don’t have a website: 1-877-477-5817will add more to this post, so hold tight and the main thing that will bring your relationship crashing down is cheating. Why be in a relationship if you are going to cheat?  At least break up with the man before you decide to move on, that is the least you can do!!  I will also be adding more destinations to take your lover away! So stay tuned! If you have any detailed questions, email me at kirstenrhode@hotmail.com and I will get back to you as soon as possible. Wishing you Success & Love, Ask Kirsten ~The Man of your Dreams is only a few Rules Away….

“So, ya, things have been going very well since we last spoke… I didn’t accept any same day dates, but he knew I had “other” plans, even if I didn’t. I stop texting and calling, then he started.
Sometimes I didn’t answer until the next day and suddenly he’s more available… We talk more IN-PERSON, and he’s super affectionate.
I’ve been following your WordPress rules verbatim and girrrrrrrl they work like magic!

How’d you get so fricking awesome! I honestly thought it would make him think, like, “I don’t need this” and move on, but he’s more like, “I better get her before someone does”, and he’s right because lately guys have been pouring in like water works… And I’m like wow… Talk about “It’s raining men”! But seriously it’s because of what you taught me! Girl, I feel like a NEW woman.. LOL

I’ll ALWAYS read your column, and be in touch even when you charge…
Dammit, I’ll pay! Lmao. Because you’re worth it and so much more!!
Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!!!!!”
-Akira

BTW-Girls, my new website is up www.askkirsten.com, I will be posting all of my posts on there from now on.

My Fiancee Sam and I

Most of us girls, especially if we are following the Rules, know when we are going to have sex.  We have decided we have waited an appropriate time, and we both have feelings for one another.  We don’t just go off our plans and decide to sleep with him on the first or second date.  The advantage of having this planned is that you can prepare.  Now that may not sound very sexy or spontaneous, but trust me ladies if  you really like this man, you will be every bit as excited, in fact even more because you waited and the anticipation of it all is a huge turn on.

1.Go tan a couple days before-you can use that Mystic Tan that most tanning places have because its a spray on and wont expose you to UVA/UVB rays.  The reason for this is it will give you that dewey glow once your clothes are off.  It will also cover up cellulite if you have any, it makes it appear a lot less than if you are all pasty white.

2.Buy some sexy lingerie-Nothing over the top, like harlot red with tassels..Huge NoNo!! Victoria Secret or my favorite Agent Provocateur are some great places to get something classy and sexy at the same time.  Nothing turns a man on more than seeing you in lingerie that is flattering and sexy.  Black is best, but go with a color that suits you, remember just because it’s the new thing and its very in style does NOT mean it will look good on you.

• Garter Belts-These can be very sexy, especially if you are wearing a skirt and came from a formal event. This is not something you want to wear under Jeans for example.  If you have a longer pin skirt, you can pair that with a garter belt and black stalkings.  Don’t wear a white garter belt, that is reserved for weddings. Black, red, pink or even blue are acceptable. See this example.. this is perfect if your wearing a skirt with a cute top.

• Push up Bras-Push-up brassieres have an underwire that pushes the bust upwards. They can be either padded or unpadded. Many push-up bras also have water or gel inside of them to further enhance the bust size. Some women may find this style uncomfortable, and a poorly fitted push-up may cause the breasts to fall out, and you don’t want that happening..TRUST ME.  You can find some really sexy push up bras and they usually have the underwear right there to match.

• Balconet or Demi brassieres-Demi brassieres have small cups, no matter what size you are. These bras are extremely low and tend to show at great deal of bust. This type works well for women with a small bust. These can be really sexy and are very comfertable. This usually covers half the breast, but the advantage is you can get ones that are beaded and very intracit in details. 

• Strapless Bras-Strapless brassieres are designed to go beneath clothes without showing straps. It is important to get a quality strapless so it does not fall down. Some strapless have clear straps that wrap around your back, neck or one shoulder depending on the clothes you are wearing. Most of the time I will wear this if I am wearing a tube top with jeans and boots, it also works for dresses too, especially if they wrap around your neck.

• How to find your Bra Size-Always start with a tape measure. To find your band size, stand up straight and measure your chest just under your arms. If you get an odd number, round up to the next even number. For example, if you measure a 35, your band size is a 36.To find your cup size, you will want to measure across the fullest part of your breast. This is the area across your nipples. If the number is one inch more than your band size, you are an A cup. If the number is two inches more than your band size, you are a B cup and so on.Of course this is approximate. Some women find that decreasing their band size and increasing their cup size helps them get the bust shape they desire.

3.Make sure to have Condoms ready-even if you are going to his house, make sure to bring a few with you.  Being on the pill will not save you from STD’s as you know. I know a lot of my friends have told me they are afraid they are going to look like a slut if they carry condoms. Well the only way that could happen is if you are bringing them to a ONE NIGHT STAND, and we follow the Rules and don’t do that.  Also, the reason to bring a few is because you never know if he will want to go again and again and again, and you never know if you have a mishap and it breaks on you.  There is also the female condom which is something you insert inside yourself, and it protects you as well.

The Female Condom

4.Toys and Fantasy-A lot of men get offended when it comes to using vibrators because it makes them feel inadequate. So my opinion is to feel it out and talk to him about his fantasies etc. Now the first time you have sex, you don’t really want to get too detailed about what he wants. Just let it happen and have a good time. Now Dirty talk falls into this category as well, and it all depends how you feel about it and what his take on it is. I would have asked him awhile back whether or not he likes to talk during sex, and if so how far does he go with it.  Less is always more for the first couple sex dates.  Once you get more comfertable you can get pretty dirty with the talk.  You don’t want to scare him away by saying something totally off the wall. An example of going too far is saying something like this ” Fuck me so hard that you rip my pussy in half” I heard that on a movie, and I thought ewwww who would say such a thing?? Even in this movie, the guy was disgusted.  Something more like this is a turn on”I love feeling you deep inside me”. yeah ok its a bit generic, but like I said before it’s the first time with this new man you like and you don’t want to go too far either way.  Also, Don’t do anything that you deem uncomfertable or not in your repertoire. For example, anal sex..if this isn’t something you normally do, then don’t try it your first night just because he wants it.

Sex Toys

5.Foreplay-This is probably the most important part of the whole evening.  Make sure you spend a good amount of time making out, touching one another and oral sex.  Especially us women, we can’t just jump at the opportunity because you are ready.  We are very different and need to get properly wet before having sex.  Spend a good deal of time kissing him, touching him through his pants, putting your fingers in his mouth (this is up to each female bc some guys don’t like this, but I have heard most do), giving him head for a short while etc..make sure you let him get you in the mood as well though. Music is also a good mood maker, try Lick by Joi or Cry Little Sister from the Lost Boys Movie.

6.Positions for sex-Do whatever makes you comfortable. Now just because he wants to do it doggie style, doesn’t mean you have to if it doesn’t turn you on, and I have friends that have told me it hurts them.  Also, the first time you have sex, you want to start out missionary, that way you can look at one another.  It should be personal and intimate, doggie style is not intimate and personal the first time you are making love to someone.  Men like it when the woman takes control, so if you get on top and take the helm, I think you will both enjoy yourselves.  Especially, if you have been following my rules, you should know that this should be an important night for both of you, and a step in the direction of a relationship if you aren’t already in one.  For example, I don’t do one night stands or even after two or three dates, they have to be my boyfriend for me to be able to sleep with them.  The reason is because I don’t want to be percieved as easy, and trust me men talk with their friends.  If you live in a small town word gets out pretty quick and you can ruin your reputation prettty quick.

7.After Sex-Now there are a few schools of thought here but here is my take on it and if you want this man to fall for you, I would do it my way, it works trust me!  Cuddle with him for a little bit after sex, maybe 10-15 minutes tops.  If you are at his house, then slowly get out of bed and start putting your clothes on. Guys will usually get confused and will probably ask what your doing.  Tell him you had a great night, give him a kiss slowly then say “but I have an early morning”.  He might ask you to stay, but even though you want to so bad, stick to the Rules and get out of there. It will keep him interested, and a lot of times guys lose interest after they get into a girls pants.  By leaving, you are keeping him interested. Most girls will try to stay, I even have friends that have tried to make excuses to stay, which my fiancee tells me is a huge turn off.  He would basically tell girls after he slept with them that he had to work!! (this is in the middle of the night, mind you!!) Now, if he is at your house it’s a little harder to do, because they can beat you to the punch and start putting their clothes on and get ready to leave. You will want to make sure you say something before he has the chance to do that.  After you have laid there for a bit, tell him you had a great time and would love for him to stay but that you have to get up early and have a bunch to do. You don’t need to rush him out or anything, but in order to keep him interested you need to make it challenging for him, men love challenges.  I promise you he will be caught off guard if you don’t let him stay the night and he will wonder why. For some reason, after sex women tend to want to talk about feelings. Don’t do it. If he starts the conversation that’s ok, but let him tell you how he feels first, and don’t top him by saying you love him or anything like that. Listen to what he is saying and if you feel the same, tell him that you feel that way as well.   You don’t want him to think your not interested, men can be vulnerable after sex too, it’s not always just us.  If he says he is falling in love with you and you feel the same then it is ok to tell him you love him too, but by no means are you to say it first.  If he says he loves you and your not there yet, give him a big kiss and tell him how much that meant to you, and you feel like you could love him too.  There are many different ways to NOT say it but still sound like you are interested and getting there without hurting his feelings.  Most likely though he isn’t going to say that the first time you have sex, but if you follow my rules he will say it soon after.  My fiancee said it after 5 days, we were laying in bed talking, we had just made love and I asked him what he was thinking because he looked deep in thought.He then said “I’m thinking I love you”. It was so sweet, and I knew I loved him too, shoot I had been feeling it for a whole day before that night, so I said I love you too Sam.  It was a beautiful  moment and we still talk about it to this day. The reason I was able to get Sam, who by the way was a HUGE player before he met me, and was into sleeping with a girl then never talking to them again. He told me after we had been dating awhile that he didn’t want a relationship when he first met me, but because I wasn’t all clingy and didn’t beg  him to stay etc.. he fell for me. He told me it was also because I was self sufficient, and that turned him on, I wasn’t needy, I had a good job and I just had fun with him.  After Sex is the most difficult time for us to stay cool and just trust the flow of the universe. We want answers, we always want to know what’s next. Well, don’t ask him, just wait and see what’s next. If you demand answers too soon, you will get them, but I bet you they aren’t the type of answers you want to hear. Men cringe when they hear the words “We need to talk”!! Let your subtle powers of intuition  feel their way, let yourself really get to know this beautiful stranger, trust your gut instead of your romantic paranoia.  Once you silence your doubts or habitual fears, you’ll be amazed at how much you can feel and percieve. Nothing is won by an ultimatum.  If you follow those rules you will soon have your relationship you wanted after sex, but we don’t need to know that night!!

8.Don’t leave things at his apartment or house-We tend to think once we have had sex, we need a reason to come back over and see him again, so we will leave something on purpose.  I had a friend that left her underwear at her dates house!! Her thinking was he would be so turned on, and think back to the night they had sex and call her up and tell her how much he misses her etc..It actually worked the opposite way, or DIDNT WORK at all. He was pretty disgusted and told his friends and I quote “She left her crusty underwear in my bed underneath my pillow”. He was grossed out, and they never went out again. It’s little things that can turn a man around from liking you a lot to thinking oh great, she is a clingy girl, and imagine if she is acting this way now, how is she going to act if this goes further??  So don’t leave ANYTHING there, no earrings, pajama’s, hairdryer, brush, makeup..NOTHING.

9.Don’t start planning your life together in your head-Just because you had sex doesn’t mean wedding bells in the future. It could, but you don’t want to be scribbling your name with his last name on your napkin. Daydreaming about your long life together just puts you in the wrong state of mind and makes it harder for you to stick to the Rules.  If you are realistic and hope for the best, you are more apt to get him than by dreaming about him whisking you away to get married in Mexico.  Stick to the rules, don’t act desperate, and pretend you have a million things going on in your life and your busy, busy, busy. That way he has to work at getting you, don’t make it easy for him.  Sleeping with him on the first date would constitute making it easy.  I promise you this, even on your first date the guy you like is thinking what you look like naked.  Keep him wondering for awhile! That way he is trying hard each and every time to impress you, and he will get used to impressing you for awhile until it becomes second nature. 

10.Don’t be drunk when you have sex for the first time- You are more apt to say something stupid or against the Rules if you have been drinking. You are also more likely to do things you wouldn’t normally do sober because your inhibitions are lowered.  You also want it to be memorable, you don’t want to wake up the next morning saying “oh my God what did I do?”  You won’t ask him to leave either, you will probably do the opposite and beg him to stay, which goes against all the rules. It’s certainly ok to have a glass of wine or something, but seriously don’t have more than one drink, because two will lead to three, three to four and on and on.   I know for a fact that men hate to see girls falling down drunk. I didn’t always follow these Rules I have known since I was a kid, I did stupid things too like get sloppy drunk on a date party in college.  Thank goodness he was a gentleman, but there are guys out there that will take advantage of that situation.  That is the only time I have passed out and blacked out, and I learned my lesson.  So stick to staying sober and no one will have to babysit you, you will be in control of the situation and sex is much more enjoyable sober. 

This is my baby and I..True Love Forever

You should know each other pretty well at this point. But depending on the date, some of the rules will change. If you  want this man to fall in love with you..read my blog on first and second dates.

1.You will always want to listen when he is talking

2.You will want to laugh when he makes a joke, even if you don’t think its that funny.

3.So, your on a third date, he is obviously interested, you just have to keep him interested!!

4.Don’t have sex, until he says he loves you or that he is falling for you.

5. after the date, let him kiss you, and yes he can come in for a bit. BUT DONT HAVE SEX!!!! I promise I know what I am talking about. Sure you can kiss and makeout. but no more!

6.Don’t let him sleep over. Tell him you have a big day and you would love to but you need to get some sleep alone.

7.When he leaves, let him kiss you and he should be trying to set that fourth date down. If he doesn’t, don’t worry, he will.

8.Don’t call or text, at all!!! Let him call you first!!

9.Don’t email him or send him a message on myspace, telling him what a good time you had. You should of told him that after the night was over.

10.DO-Have fun with your friends until he calls. Don’t sit by the phone and wait. That will make you feel desperate.  Do things to get your mind off of him. Go workout, do whatever hobbies you do, and stay busy!!!

Ask Kirsten for Help!

Hi Kirsten!

I recently accepted you as a friend on Myspace and after reading your status and then your Ask Kirsten Blog I’m glad I did…

Question:

“My mothers friend who is also her neighbor is a  Detective, and she and her husband thought that setting me up with their nephew, would be a “Good” idea. The uncle called and got my number and the nephew, Jason called and asked me out the next day. So, we went to a movie, and during the intermission we talked a bit. I asked him about work, siblings, what he liked etc… After the movie I drove him to his car because I was parked directly in front and thought it polite. When he got out, I got out, hugged him and thanked him for a good time and asked him to text me and let me know he got home safely.

He asked me out again that following Monday, but I ended up getting the flu and had to cancel that entire week. The following week his schedule at work changed so we mostly texted back and forth, and he asked me out again the following Tuesday. Tuesday came and we went miniature golfing. During all the holes was what I felt a perfect time to talk about “him” and get to know him. We talked and laughed and joked and had a good time. After, he asked if I wanted to go have a drink and I said sure and we did. During the bar Conversation we talked about our personality similarities and differences because we are the same sign. We laughed more, and would from time to time try to touch my hand. During our talk he mentioned a bar he went to and that his ex worked there….
Then he went on to say how she texted him while he was there, not to come there. Then he told me she had recently broken up with him to go back to a guy that use to beat her up… Uhmmmm, things I didn’t care to know. Made me think he’s still a little stuck on her…After we got past her the conversation got back to us… After we left.
Walked to my car, kissed and he left. So, we talked and had intentions of seeing each other on thanksgiving since he was gonna be down the street at his aunts.  When he got there he texted and asked was I there… We texted a few times and then I said he could come down if he wanted and I never heard back. So, I texted him Friday and he said he’d gotten food poisoning from the night before but it turned out to he the flu. So Sat I didn’t text, nor did he. So, Sunday I texted to see how he felt and we had a short conversation. Lastly, we texted this a.m while he was working and he texted back, I sent a last text and nothing around 8 this morn and then I called AND left a voicemail around 445 and it’s 9 and nothing, so I pretty much want to say screw it.
I don’t know if I’m being too forward or if maybe he’s just into someone else.. Like his ex although he keeps asking to go out… But he doesn’t really text me 1st anymore or anything. I’m just lost….”

ANSWER:

“It sounds like you did everything right in the beginning. You listened to his conversations, without interrupting (I hope), you asked him questions about himself to show him you were actually listening and interested in what he had to say. It sounds like you didn’t talk about ex’s, which is a big NO NO. Basic Psychology says, he must have been interested or he wouldn’t have asked you out several times. Something happened between the night at the bar and Thanksgiving. Clearly, he is still stuck on his ex, otherwise he wouldn’t have brought it up. What was your reaction when he told you all this? Did you show you were a little upset about it? The key to hearing that kind of stuff is to blow it off, act like it’s no big deal and change the subject.  You never want to come off as jealous or unsure of yourself. You always want to be confidant and act as if guys ask you out all the time. Don’t ever say that, the key is just to act that way. Don’t get cocky about it, always be super sweet but don’t go overboard and give him googly eyes, like your planning your marriage to him. It doesn’t sound like you did that, I’m just giving advice for future dates.

Now here’s where it gets tricky. Food Poisoning?? I don’t buy it, but who knows, and the fact is you will never know. What you do from now on is to NOT text him or call or leave voicemails anymore. I know it’s hard bc you feel hurt. It’s not really good to relive past mistakes, but just for future reasons I’m going to tell you what you should have done. Waited for him to call you on Thanksgiving and tell you to come over, not texted again and not left another voicemail. But, since we are where we are, don’t call or text again and don’t ask your Mother to ask his uncle about you or anything like that. In fact consider it over.  I would give it a 50% chance of him texting or calling you if you ignore him.
Now if he does call or text, don’t act mad. Act like you were too busy anyway and it’s all fine. Be cheery on the phone, and act like nothing happened. If he asks you out, don’t take a date for that night. Tell him your busy, even if your not. Tell him you can do something later that week, but your just really busy. If he really likes you, he will wait for you.
Keep me posted if he calls or texts. If he does text, again be cheery, but not too excited, and ask if he had a good Thanksgiving. Tell him yours was great. That way he thinks you didn’t need him there for you to have fun.
Bottom line is you will find out in a week or so if this is gonna happen or not. If it doesn’t, it wasn’t meant to BE!! Also, put yourself out there, go on other dates with men. Myspace is an ok way to meet people now adays, or go out with friends who have boyfriends, and have them set you up. Be happy with yourself, and you will find someone. I promise! Keep me posted, and Good Luck!!”

Sincerely,
Ask Kirsten

Disclaimer(Some of the names have been changed to protect the person’s identi

**If anyone has any ideas or different solutions on some things she should have done different please feel free to comment. I think my advice was right on, but I will let you be the judge. This is still going on, so look for more on Kira and Jason and let’s hope they work out!**

I will be adding more of these, since I get about 4 emails a day asking for help!! And for now its free, but after January it wont be.

These collumns are  a prime example of what to do when your dating…

Sincerely,

-Ask Kirsten

Men, you should really read this, it will help you understand  what most women mean.  Men always tell me that women are so complicated, well we really aren’t.  What we say is basically what we mean.  Sure there are women out there that play head games, and I don’t advicate that to my girls that ask me for advice, I simply give them my time tested RULES that I learned from my Mother and expanded on them based on what I learned from life.   Guys, admit it you want a girl that doesn’t just fall at your feet.  You want a strong, independant woman who doesn’t just play hard to get, she IS HARD TO GET!!  Well, here are some tips for understanding what she is really saying when she says something to you.   Hope this helps! If you need any more advice from me, especially detailed advice regarding dating, relationships, kids, marriage, or whatever it may be I would love to help! My advice is free for now because  my website www.askkirsten.com is under construction, but there will be a nominal fee when it is finished because my advice is so Invaluable (jf you don’t believe me, just read my testimonials), and I get around 30 emails every day, but take advantage while its still free!!!

1.I really enjoyed our date-when are you going to ask me out again?

2.So, tell me about yourself-What kind of baggage do you have?

3.I like those shoes, what size are they-How big is your penis?

4.Your an amazing kisser-when are we gonna get it on?

5.So tell me about your family-When can I meet them?

6.So when was your last girlfriend-Are you still hung up on her?

7.Do you believe in love at first site?-I want to be your girlfriend

8.Are you dating other people?-Because I want to be the only one

9.I had fun, but I’m going to be really busy this week-It was a crappy date and don’t call me again

10.Wanna watch a movie at my house?-Do you want to go make out at my house?

11.Are you close to your Mom?-Are you a momma’s boy?

12.So where do you live, do you have roomates-Do you still live with your parent’s?

13.Do you want to come to my work function-Can we do something that doesn’t involve sex, because I really like you and I don’t want to just be a booty call

14.Do you want to meet my family-Do you want to get more serious

15.I know we aren’t exclusive, but I really like you-I want to get more serious, are you ready for it?

16.Are you a romantic-Because I am and I want my boyfriend to be

17.Can I come over-I want to spend more time with you or/and, and you haven’t been trying anything on me so let me put you in a position where you can

18.Your really persistant-STOP, if you want me to like you, bc you are starting to annoy me

19.So when can I meet your friends-Bc, I wan’t them to know your interested in me

20.I can only meet for a quick drink-I’m too busy and if your annoying or not my type I can get out of their relatively quickly

21.So what do you like in bed-Because I want to try it with you

22.It’s not you, it’s me. I’m just not ready for a relationship right now-I’m not interested in YOU

23.We can still be friends-I don’t want to date you at all, and most likely we won’t be friends either

24.I just got out of a bad  relationship-Don’t move too fast or you will push me away

25.I never do this, but you just turn me on so much-I DO this a lot actually, and I just want to have sex

26.I’m not a gossipy girl, anything you tell me will stay between us-I tell my girlfriends everything

27.Don’t call me, I’ll call you-I probably have a boyfriend or I’m not interested at all.

28.So what do you do for work-How much money do you make?

29.I want you to meet my friends-I want to make sure they approve

30.Your very nice and all, but I just don’t think we have anything in common-Your not my type or your not that cute

**Remember guys, this isn’t exact translations, just a basic road map for you to follow when it comes to deciphering what girls are saying.  Not everything will apply word for word either. If you have any questions at all email  Ask Kirsten at: kirsten@mercenaryx.com and I will get back to you within the day. I’m starting to get about 20-30 emails a day, but I promise to answer within 24 hours if not sooner.

**Girls, if you are reading these, make sure you know what you are asking these guys because a lot of them already know the translations. Asking the wrong question can break you, and he will get scared and never talk to you again, so be careful what you say. Most of the more intimate questions will either bring a guy closer or push him away completely.  If you have been reading my rules, you will know that you should never be the one asking him if he wants to get serious or meet your family first etc..Email me for more details!

Happy Dating!

Love,

Ask Kirsten

Getting Busy

I have been with very few men in my life, because sex has to mean something to me.  I think if you have sex too soon, that guy will think you are easy and then he will either just want you for booty calls or he will dump you after the first encounter.

Sex should mean something to you too. Men want to work for your attention, especially in the bedroom. They want to think since it took them awhile to get you in bed, you don’t just have sex with anyone, and they are special.

1.Wait a couple weeks, depending on the dating frequency to have sex

2.When you do have sex, you should already know he is way into you. You shouldn’t be having sex to save the relationship, etc.. Dont have sex until you feel 100% comfertable.  You don’t want to regret it in the morning.

3.Don’t do anything especially kinky the first time. You don’t want him to think your a freak, especially if he is not comfertable with it. Talk with him before having sex, about what he likes, what he is into and what turns him on.

4.After sex, don’t cry bc your so happy and in love(trust me, I’ve known girls that have done this)Major freak out for a guy. Don’t say you love him or anything like that. Bottom line don’t get too emotional about it. If he get’s emotional first, it’s ok to go along with it. But email me for more details on this.  You should already be dating exclusively when you are having sex with him so it shouldn’t be uncomfertable for either of you.

5.Cuddle a little afterwards, but don’t assume your going to sleep over. Unless he asks you to stay, say that you have to get up early for work and have to go, but that you had a great time. If he asks you to stay, then stay but leave the next morning or if he wants to do something that day, go ahead and go see a movie, go eat, etc..but then leave. Remember, you want him to chase you.

6.Use a condom-You never know what is out there, and you should know the man at this point but still demand to use a condom, even if you are on birth control. Later on, once you two are exclusive and in a relationship, and you have both been tested for HIV and other STD’s, as long as you are on Birth Control, you don’t need to use condoms unless you don’t feel comfertable not using them. If he cares about you, he won’t mind using them. Don’t listen to his excuses that, you know you can trust me, I don’t sleep around, etc..Be adimant about using a condom. **In every relationship, I have insisted we both get tested, and if he has nothing to hide, and he cares about you he won’t mind.** Actually, he should admire you that you are careful, and obviously don’t just have sex with anyone, and you won’t risk your life for someone else.  (Sometimes a guy will say he is monogamous, but isn’t actually, so you need to cover your bases).  Now when your at this point, again remember the rules..you should be close to being monogamous, and close to being in a relationship or already in one before having sex.  I know, some of you girls are saying “well, who cares I like to have sex, I don’t care if I am in a relationship, if I want to have sex on the first or second date I will, and I can still get him to fall for me”, or “I’m so good in bed, it doesn’t matter if we aren’t close to a relationship, he will fall for me bc the sex will be so good”. Trust me, don’t listen to those voices telling you that. If you want to have a man fall for you, you have to be a creature like no other, and be different than the other girls he has dated by WAITING to have sex. I promise you it will pay off.              **With my fiancee, we waited about a week and a half, and he told me later had we had sex the first, second or even third time out he would have never stayed with me.  The reason is, bc he was used to girls throwing themselves at him and being able to get in their pants in a day or two. Once he got sex, he lost interest in having a relationship with them, even if the girl was amazing in bed.  The reason is bc he wanted someone with high morals, even though he wouldn’t have told me that at that time.  We waited and it was AMAZING, he told me he loved me a day later when we were laying in bed talking. He had slipped the night before when we were playing a game called Risk, and I lost. He said “its ok, I still love you” and then stammerred about it and said “I mean, I still like you, you know what I mean” LoL.. The reason he fell in love wasn’t bc the sex was amazing, it was because I wasn’t like the other girls he had dated, I didn’t chase him, call all the time, get jealous about other girls, and bc I waited to have sex with him**

7.After you have sex for the first time, talk to him about what he liked, what he did that turned you on and get to know one another’s bodies. This will only make your sex life better. If you are someone who would like to express your sensual feelings verbally during sex, make sure this is something he is into. You can try by first saying something fairly benign such as “oh that feels so good, I love feeling you inside me” or “You turn me on so much, can you feel how wet your making me”… and see how he responds. If he answers back, with some sort of dirty talk, then you can keep going with it, but the first couple times, trust me don’t say anything too freaky. You don’t want to risk turning him off or scaring him bc he isn’t comfertable.

8.Don’t do anything sexually that makes YOU uncomfertable. If he want’s to do something that even remotely scares you or makes you feel uneasy tell him that your not comfertable with that. If he cares about you, he will respect your boundaries.  You should have already talked about what each person likes, your fantasies, your desires, etc..so you should know what he or she is into.  Sometimes though, in the moment a man will try something that he has fantasized about, but didn’t tell you about, and if you are ok with it, then go for it but if you are in any way uneasy DONT DO IT just to please him.  It’s healthy to have fantasies, but not every one is healthy to carry out.

**For example, Threesomes-It’s ok to fantasize about them in bed and talk about having one. For instance saying something like “I’m thinking of a hot girl watching you make love to me” or “tell me what your threesome fantasy is”, and then dirty talk about it, “yeah just picture me going down on  a girl while your taking me from behind”. Make it clear to him that you don’t want to actually have a threesome, but it’s ok to talk about them while having sex.  **I have had friends that have been in threesomes and it has lead to nothing good, such as jealousy, anger, someone gettting hurt, and someone actually going out and cheating** Trust me, they aren’t a good idea. Plus if you are wanting the guy to fall in love with you, telling him you want him all to yourself will turn him on much more than having another girl in the picture, if he truly cares for you.

If you have any other questions, please email Ask Kirsten at kirsten@mercenaryx.com. Remember my services are free for the month of January, but then will cost money per question. So take advantage while you still have time. I get about 30 letters a day, so give me a day to get back to you, but it won’t be longer than that. If it’s a quick pressing question, you can reach me on AIM, my screen name is rhodekirsten. The best time to reach on AIM is during the week after 7ish.

I look forward to all your questions, and as always HAPPY DATING!!

Love,

Ask Kirsten

Five years ago, I would have said NO WAY to meeting someone on MySpace or Facebook, but these days it’s a pretty common thing.  And, since I met my fiancee on MySpace I can’t say anything negative about it. However, if you have read my other posts, you will see why you still have to follow the rules when you are meeting and dating someone you meet on the Net.

1. Talk to the person for awhile, get to know them before you ever go out with them-The bonus of meeting people on the internet is you get to actually talk to them and get to know them without having to meet them and go through all the criticisms that follow on a face to face date.  Ask them questions about their lives, what are they interested in, what do they do for work, for fun, etc.. See if your lives are even compatible. There are a lot of “players” on the internet,so be careful. Don’t get attached too quickly, bc chances are they are talking to 10 other girls at the same time.

2. When you meet up with them, make sure its a public place.  Don’t go to someone’s house you don’t know. Come on guys, you have seen Dateline..  Go to a dinner, so you can talk and do more getting to know one another.  Girls, make sure to follow the rules I have posted on how to act on a first date.

3. Don’t have sex on the first date-now matter how much you think you know them, bc you have talked with them for weeks so it feels like the 10th date. Don’t do it. Girls, it will make you look easy, and guys don’t try it bc it will make you look like that is all you want.  A kiss is ok, but again, don’t even put yourself in the situation where it could happen. Don’t go to his house, your house, parking in an abandoned lot, meeting over at another one of his or your friends homes etc..

4. Do something fun and interactive, since you have already done alot of talking on the net, go minature golfing or bowling or if you live in Texas go to Davenbusters or play laser tag at Main Event and play games.  It will let the other person know you like to have fun and will show a good side of you. Plus it shows you can be a kid again, and men like that. Plus at Main Event for those of you in TX, or Davenbusters, its like a place for kids but you can drink as well!!! Just remember, dont drink too much!!

5.Remember my rules on what to wear, what not to talk about, how to act..etc from my blog Ask Kirsten’s First Date Rules!!

6. If you are Christian or Catholic I know for sure there are dating websites out there for just people in your religion. I’m pretty sure there is one for every other religion as well. So if you feel more comfertable going out with someone that is of your belief system, then go for that. Because off the bat you have one thing in common!!

7. Make sure you look at that persons page in detail. Make certain they aren’t just putting what they want people to think about them on their pages. For instance, on myspace people tend to put older pics of them when they were skinnier, in better shape etc.. Also make sure the page isn’t a fake. I can’t tell you how many times girls have stolen my pics of my myspace and gave themselves a new name, etc.. It was pretty creepy!! So watch out for that kind of stuff.  If he only has like 2 friends on their, you might want to worry. Whatever you feel, go with your gut. Its usually always right!!

If you have any additional questions, email ask kirsten at kirsten@mercenaryx.com

Happy Dating,

-Ask Kirsten

Kirsten Rhode

Having your heart broken sucks, but the best way to get over it, is to get back out there.  Sulking is only going to make you more sad and depressed.  Here are some tips to get over an old guy:

1.Go out with your friends- no matter how much you feel like sulking and laying in bed get up get dressed up and go have a good time. You never know who you will meet!!

2.When you do go out with your friends have a positive attitude-Most of you that have read my previous posts know, this is the most important thing into getting the guy of your dreams. BE CONFIDANT!! Get out on the dance floor, talk to guys when they come up to you, let them buy you a drink, have fun with your girls by laughing and being silly!

3.Don’t drink too much-Getting drunk is only going to make you relive what you have just gone through.  if you do meet a guy that night, you will end up telling him your whole sordid story, and that will be it, he will never fall for you. if he is a real ass, he might try to take you home and get laid but you DEFINATELY don’t want that!! Plus, your friends have probably already heard the whole story 50 times, they want you to have fun, don’t get drunk and ruin their night too. Nobody likes to be a babysitter.

4.Get into hobby’s or concentrate 100% on work-That will take your mind off of HIM and before you know it, you will meet someone else, because as you well know, men come along once your not looking for them!

–Just a side note from personal experience, I had just gotten out of a crappy relationship where I wasn’t really into the guy anyway four months before I met my fiancee Sam. I wasn’t really depressed at all but I was lonely. I was definately not looking for another relationship, but because I was focused on myself and my work, Sam came along and I could not be happier!!

5.Start Working out, or get a gym membership-Sometimes when we girls get really comfertable in a relationship we tend to slack on working out and staying in shape.  So start working out, it gives off endorphines which make you happy, and it’s just good for you!  Plus when you are in shape you are more confidant about yourself and your body.  Guys will notice this, I promise. Gym’s are also a great place to meet men!! So get out there and sweat out your negative energy!

6.Get a haircut or color, manicure, pedicure or massage-All these things will make you feel better, and more confidant about yourself.  Create a new you, and leave the old broken hearted girl at home!  If you do get a haircut, don’t do something totally drastic because you don’t want to end up crying because you just chopped off all your long hair. Trust me, i say this from experience. I moved to L.A and wanted to do something new, so I chopped my hair..all off! I went from it being down to my bra strap to above my ears and it was too big of a change. it still looked good, but it was too much. Put some highlights or lowlights in your hair, something small but fresh.

7.Surround yourself with positive people-Stick to only hanging with your best girlfriends or guy friends, because they will make sure you have a good time, and will try to get you out of your funk. There are some people who live off other people’s misery, and as they say misery loves company, so stay away from those people, they will only bring you down and you will never get over your ex. Moaners, Backstabbers, and Pessimists are unwelcome guests, stay away from those people.

8.Talk to new people-Don’t be shy, get out of your shell and be outgoing! Meet new friends, new guys and talk to co-workers that you never talked to before. Get yourself out of your comfort zone a bit, this will get your mind in a different place, and when your meeting new people your more apt to forget the one that you broke up with. **Do remember my rules tho, if you are interested in a guy and you want to date him, don’t talk to him first. Make him come to you! Talk to his friends if you have the same group of friends or if you work together, but don’t talk to them about HIM. That’s a big NO NO**

9. Last but not least-Stay away from places, people, and things you and your ex had in common. Don’t listen to your old song together, don’t go to the place he works to “hang out with friends”, don’t take a new guy to where you know he might be to make him jealous and don’t hang out with his buddies for awhile, at least until you are way over him, and only if they were really close friends of yours. Edit your past associations, certain phrases, pet names, bands you both liked, your favorite movies you watched together,etc..Stop thinking of the intimacy you once had and establish new routines. Listen to new music, find new hangouts, and meet new people!!

Getting over someone is tough, it’s like peeling off a band-aid. It hurts at first, but then it goes away. Some take longer to get over than others, but the quicker you do the things I mentioned the quicker you will forget him, and find someone new!!  If you have any detailed questions, as always, email me at kirsten@mercenaryx.com for advice. Now Get out there, and have fun! The man of your dreams is waiting for you!!

Happy Dating!!

Love,

Ask Kirsten